Bound by Red Ribbons
by Her Sweetness
Summary: AU. Nate has been wrapped up in his brother's fading memory for a long time. But there were things he didn't know and stories that Beyond won't hesitate to tell. B x Near. Oneshot.


fA/N: _This story is for my anger. My anger and frustration at myself. And the deep, growing hatred I have for my writing. But, there's love there too and I guess if there wasn't any, nothing would ever get finished. So I'm writing this and crying, because surely, I am not good enough. _

* * *

Bound by Red Ribbons

Beyond was down on his luck and so he was coming to stay for a short while. That was what Nate had been told, but he didn't like it and didn't accept it as such a simple statement. Something in the way Erica had turned away from him told him that Beyond would be staying for longer than a 'short while'. Although, truth be told, Nate felt that even a short while was too long for another in the house. The old stone house that Nate and his aunt Erica inhabited was small to him and growing ever smaller as he looked out of his bedroom window and saw the vast world that lay beyond the side yard and the trees and even the fields past that.

But in the days before Beyond's arrival, there was something different in the air surrounding Erica and she bustled about the kitchen in some sort of devilishly uncharacteristic hurry. She swept and made daily trips to the market one town over, forgetful as she was, and forgetting something every time she came back. Despite her young age of thirty-four, she had the eyes and ways of a grandmother and her heaviness kept her in such a state, a state of usual disarray. Nate sometimes sat at the bottom of the stairs in the kitchen and watched her as she put up groceries in the cabinets and in the freezer.

She said to him, "You know, when he comes, he'll probably be so excited to see you. He hasn't since you were about… five, I think. He has eyes like you and your brother."

Nate had heard of his eyes. The talk of the family, really, the crown jewel, because he could not attend any family gathering without hearing of the red rubies that were embedded in Beyond's head. He heard that when he flashed them at you, you froze, as if struck by an angel - _or_, as he had heard some whisper to each other, by a devil. Nate assumed that Erica meant the resemblance was in their great eyes, as he was nothing if not devoid of radiance. He had also been told by many distant relatives that his eyes were large and imposing and, sometimes, even beautiful; the ominous stormy nature of his gaze often caught even his aunt by surprise.

Even through the fantastic rumors that circled about Beyond's beautiful devil eyes, Near still thought his elder brother's eyes had everyone else's beat. Precious jewels or not, Nate remembered the shine and the depth of his brother's eyes. The dark rings around them that were his trophies for his accomplishments and the things that kept him up at night. Nate used to hear him in the basement, pacing around until hours like three and four and one time, at seven in the morning, Nate came down into the kitchen and saw his brother staring at him from behind the open fridge door, the rings around his eyes deep and pronounced.

The fleeting memories of his brother hung around Nate like flies. Some black ribbon of swarming bugs that wrapped around him like a sash and he wore it without complaint or any attempt to rid himself of the past. He sometimes could swear he heard his brother in the basement still, pacing about.

Nate was certain that his brother had no such sash of memories for him. The man who was just barely a man when he left home left without nary a goodbye to Nate. Just a sad ruffle of his white curly hair and he let his long fingers trace down the curve of his cheek. Then, the door was closed, and Nate ran up to his window, to see his brother cross the fields to a black car waiting for him. Nate watched until the car was no longer visible on the cobblestone roads.

He was sure, however, that his brother held a sash for Beyond and maybe that was some subconscious reason that Nate didn't welcome his cousin with open arms.

"You know, Nate, Beyond and L used to be really good friends…You were pretty small so I guess you don't remember but Beyond would come over here and they would go out back and climb the trees." Erica had finished putting up all the jars of strawberry jam and Nate had wondered what they were for. She smiled, looking out of the window over the sink that looked out into the back yard. "Someone should call L, shouldn't they? He might just fly out to see you two."

"You know he wouldn't come for me," Nate had said and instead of waiting for his aunt's comforting response, he turned and made his way up the stairs.

Nate's room was the biggest in the house and it was, along with all of his toys, his pity prize from Erica. His second place ribbon. Erica spoiled him with little marching robots and chess sets and airplanes and rocket ships to keep him quiet and blind to what was really going on here.

While his elder brother was off somewhere living his dream of being a detective, Nate was stuck in Winchester, awaiting some letter of acceptance to a prestigious university in the west. Erica often talked about how he had the entry on lock-down because, really, _hadn't the entrance exam been so easy_?

Of course it had.

_Aren't you proud to be so young and going to college?_

Proud wasn't really the word.

_Your brother went to the same university, too, you know. _

But he quit two months in because he wasn't challenged. And anyway, that didn't change anything in Nate's opinion. His brother was different from him, extremely different, in that he had always known what made him feel alive, what made his eyes grow large in wonderment. Nate had no goals, no aspirations, and when he wasn't playing idly in a dream world with his action figures, he would let the memory of his brother walking across the fields to that car take him over and nearly destroy him. What he thought was sometimes a burning hatred for his own ineptitude was really a sickening jealousy for his brother and the fact that the two intertwined so well was what gave him a start.

The days were running together in the week before Beyond's arrival and when the anticipated morning came, Nate was sitting up in his bed, looking across the room to the sunshine that spilled down onto the carpet. His hair was in a curly sprawl all over his head and he heard some commotion downstairs; the opening of the door, his aunt's voice and some deeper, softer voice.

Nate thought about going back to sleep but there was his cue: "Nate! Come down and say hello. Are you up?"

There was a sigh, a creaking of the bedsprings, and Nate slipped from between the covers. He padded softly down the stairs, his hand steadying him against the cool stone walls. He peeked around the corner and Erica was turned towards the threshold, smiling at him from where she stood at the backdoor. She gave a small smile and encouraged him to come over and meet the man standing half in the shadows and all Nate could think as he came forward was how he would at last see that marvelous, well-kept treasure.

But he didn't see them, only saw darkness as he looked into his cousin's eyes and around the deep obsidian pools were rings, the rings of his brother. Beyond was clothed in a white t-shirt and light blue jeans, the attire Nate often remembered his brother wearing. His sneakers were loosely laced and dirty from walking in the yard and his hair, black and wild, was in unkempt locks all over his head.

Nate stared into the black eyes and narrowed his own, staying silent.

Beyond smiled toothily. "Nate, right? Pleased to meet you."

"Yes. Beyond," Nate murmured, looking aside.

Erica stood between the two of them and nudged Nate a little with her elbow. "Oh, he can be a little shy when meeting strangers." She eyed Beyond calmly. "He'll warm up soon."

"Oh, but _we're_ not strangers. We're family," Beyond declared, taking a step forward and came down on one knee in front of Nate. He continued to smile and caught Nate's gaze. "Right?"

Nate made some noise in the back of his throat. Whatever it meant it was good enough for Beyond and after a second of awkwardness, Beyond rose from his knee and turned to Erica as she began to show him to the basement, the small staircase that led downwards.

She walked to the threshold by the backdoor and as Beyond followed her, he stopped and looked over his shoulder at Nate. "By the way, don't be so formal. Call me B."

Nate looked up again and when he did, they were gone, the echo of their footsteps following.

-

Erica must have been surprised by Beyond's external changes too, because that night at dinner, she continued to look at him from across the table as if dying to ask: _Why do you look like L?_

The dining room was usually quiet, filled with tender chewing and sometimes blotching conversation between Nate and his aunt. Nate was, in reality, a terribly picky eater and had never liked his aunt's cooking but he ate it to appease her, if only in small doses. He was more partial to grape jelly sandwiches with no frills or anything fancy but that night he sat in front of a large dinner that Erica had made just for Beyond's arrival.

Nate looked up through the glasses and plates across the small angled table and saw Beyond picking at the food, scooting it around on the plate with his fork. He sipped the water quickly and kept asking for more and had touched far less than Nate had. Erica didn't seem to notice, absorbed as she was in his manner of sitting, with his knees against his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Nate had noticed it too, his harsh mimicking of his brother's usual posture.

But despite Beyond's shunning of the food, he held up the conversation, all pertaining to him and his goals.

"… and also, I'm writing a book," he said, turned to Erica for her approval.

And she gave it, brushing a lock of brown hair back up into her bun. "Oh, really? That's amazing, I didn't know… well, when you were young, I remember you liked to make up stories."

"That's right," Beyond said loftily, leaning on an elbow. "L and I would act out whatever scene I made up in the back yard. Back then I cheated."

"How did you cheat?"

He giggled, "I would steal scenes from movies I had seen and have us act them out. I told him that I made them up and he would say they sounded like they should be in movies. We dreamed of making films. Actually, L is my inspiration for the book. The dedication page will be all for him."

"That's sweet," she said, unsure of what else to add. Beyond seemed, at the moment, caught up in a dream world anyway and so she turned to Nate who had been completely silent and asked gently, "Nate? How's everything taste?"

"Good," he said, holding his fork limply. He was still in his pajamas as some loose protest of Beyond's presence. He eyed the older man with distaste until Beyond rolled his head in Nate's direction and flashed those dull eyes at him.

"You look _so_ much like your brother," he said.

"You look like my brother too."

Erica cleared her throat at Nate but he didn't care and only left his fork at his plate to twirl a lock of hair around his finger as Beyond laughed light-heartedly. "Oh, _this_?" he asked, taking a strand of his hair between two fingers. "This is to help me with my book. To get in the right mindset. If I'm not thinking right, everything will fall apart. I'm super lazy and I loose determination very quickly. If I don't get this right the first time…" He trailed off, looking down at his plate full of food.

"I… I think Nate just wanted to see your eyes," Erica said, smiling. "Isn't that right, Nate? Everyone always talks about them, how pretty they-"

"I don't like my eyes," Beyond said sourly.

"Oh, but… you-"

"Talk about something else."

Erica blinked at the severity in his voice, the way his bangs hung over his eyes and she sighed. Things were quiet again and Beyond didn't even try to appear interested in pushing his food around on the plate. Nate seemed restless in his chair and Erica finally found something to say: "Beyond, I have some strawberry jam in the fridge. I forgot to bring it out with dinner but would you like it now?"

Beyond turned to her and Nate could not see his expression but it seemed to enliven Erica and she turned then for the kitchen, leaving her spot at the table empty. Beyond continued then to sip water and look over the glass at Nate as if he were a cheap painting to be considered. Nate ignored this, turned away, but felt something like a slug on the back of his neck: heavy and slick and unwanted.

When Erica reentered, it was with one of the jars she had purchased in her trips to the market. Nate watched out of the corner of his eye, how Beyond didn't spread the jam over any of his food, rather, completely ignoring the butter knife, he dipped his fingers into the jar and pulled out a viscous glob. He pulled the substance to his mouth, thick with strawberry seeds, and sucked it off his fingers gratuitously, savoring the taste. He continued to eat it in that manner until he got down to the very bottom and proceeded to turn it upside down and empty the contents into his mouth. The whole process took less than five minutes and Erica watched him with a wavering smile in an attempt to be polite but Nate could not watch and the slurping noises - noises that Nate was sure were embellished for _his_ benefit - were too much. He fidgeted in his chair, tugged on a strand of his hair distractedly and was only drawn back by the call of his aunt.

"You know, Beyond, Nate has been considered by the same university L went to," she said, fawning over him. "He should be receiving his acceptance letter sometime by the end of June."

"Really?" Beyond hummed, licking at the corner of his mouth grotesquely.

"It's not a big deal," Nate muttered.

Erica shook her head. "Of course it is. At fourteen, that's a huge accomplishment."

"L did it at twelve," Beyond yawned.

Erica whipped her head towards him as if to say something but the sound of the chair against the rug interrupted her. Nate stood from his chair and pushed it in. "At this point," he said, "I have not made my decision to go. Having said that, what I do or don't do is not influenced by L. Now… please, excuse me."

He walked around Beyond's chair, ignoring the hand that Erica held out to him and her small coo and he made his way upstairs.

-

The next morning started late as Nate didn't wake up until around ten. The sun usually woke him as it came over the hills and trees and rolled down into his bedroom but there had been noises the night before, from the basement and Nate thought of his brother again. It was so late and he was roused so suddenly that he was sure he was seven again and hearing his brother pacing below him in the dark. He reached for his closest doll and held it for a good moment before realizing his brother was long gone and the man down there now was only some sad actor.

He wondered as he lay back down if Beyond was really busy down there, perhaps moving furniture, or if it was just another act to help him with his book. It was possible that he was told about the pacing and his brother's sleepless nights and so Beyond did it too, if only to get to Nate upstairs.

But Nate tried to ignore it and the sounds finally ceased around three and Nate fell to sleep again. When he woke up he could hear the small clank of pans in the kitchen and, faintly, some whistling that he knew to be Erica's. Often, as she grew engrossed in the housework, she would hum and whistle and sometimes even burst out into song which Nate had still not gotten used to. But with her down there being her usual self, he almost felt as if the hustle and worry over Beyond's arrival was gone and maybe, just maybe, he had left at three in the morning.

Nate got out of bed with that small hope, knowing it wasn't so.

In the summertime, the trees around the house grew lush and if there was ever a time that Nate ventured outside, it was then. When he was little and could stand on his tip-toes to see out of his window, he saw his brother and Beyond in the yard running for the trees. Under cover of the leaves, Nate couldn't see what they were doing but he often dreamed of going with them. Years passed and his brother left and Beyond stopped visiting but Nate thought that _someone_ had to go to the trees and so he did, with an airplane or two he would walk for the shade of the trees and sit.

Erica was still in the kitchen when Nate was fully dressed and came down the stairs. The lingering smell of bacon and biscuits was in the air and she hummed to herself as she stood over the sink, bubbles up to her elbows. She heard Nate and turned around, smiling.

"Hey, good morning. How'd you sleep?"

"Not so good," he said, eyeing the leftovers from breakfast on the counter.

Erica followed his gaze and nodded, sighing. "Beyond wasn't so hungry… He just sort of ate some more jam. But there's certainly enough for you, Nate, so please help yourself."

Nate walked over and grabbed a biscuit, conscious of Erica's eyes on him, and took a small bite. He walked for the back door with the biscuit in one hand and an airplane in the other. Before he left, he turned to the staircase leading down into the basement and asked quietly, "Erica, where is he?"

"Who, Beyond? Well, I imagine he's down there sleeping. Didn't you hear how late he was up last night?" she asked with an edge of irritation.

"Yes… I heard."

"Well," she said, turning the tap on again, "it's almost like the old days, isn't it?"

Nate shook his head and the back door shut behind him. The morning air was still lingering over the fields and the grass was wet with dew as Nate crossed it in nothing but socks. Thick foliage acted like a barrier on all sides of the house and just through the multitude of trunks, Nate could see the field beyond their property. He headed out into the side yard for one of the largest trees, an old oak that had sagging branches and scarred bark.

By the time he reached the tree, his socks were soaked through and he sat in the grass up against the bark where it wasn't quite as wet and he sat the airplane down beside him and biscuit on top of that. There was rustling in the boughs above and some song just to the left, like a sparrow or blue jay.

Nate picked up the biscuit again and began to tear it, throwing the small pieces out onto the lawn for whatever birds were singing. When it was all dispersed around him, he watched for a second, his gaze rising towards the roofs of the house like the smoke coming up out of the chimney. So soon after breakfast, Nate wondered what she was cooking now and if she would have the sense not to make enough for three. It was obvious that Beyond wouldn't eat anything she cooked and maybe that was the reason for his whipcord thin waist, his sallow face and pointed chin.

Nate brought the plane up above his head and squinted one eye at it, and it was as if the plane, a light cobalt blue with red stripes, was flying over the roof in loop-de-loops and somersaults. Through the smoke it came and turned around, going higher and higher.

When Beyond left, Nate thought he would accept the invitation to school if it ever came. He couldn't leave Erica with someone like that, someone who hid behind dark contacts, but even more important was his brother's memory stashed down in the basement with Beyond in there rustling it up. The thought of him kept Nate's stomach in knots and the sight of him long and yearn for his brother's presence, something that was just cruel because, of course that, he could never have.

Nate held the plane aloft and looked at it, speckled with golden sunlight raining down through the leaves. The whispering winds blew his hair about his cheeks and he sighed into the caress.

And another whisper.

Nate jerked his head up, finding Beyond nestled in the boughs overhead. One leg hung down off a thick branch and he leant against the bark of the tree calmly, looking down at Nate.

"What are you doing up there?" Nate asked, slightly startled and turned around to get a better look.

Beyond smiled, revealing one tooth. "I was here first. What are _you_ doing _down there_?"

"You were spying on me."

"Why do you accuse me of spying? I've just sat here." He shrugged lightly. "But okay. Let's say I was _spying_. I'm the detective and you're the suspect. Were you doing something you didn't want me to see? Suspect?"

Nate grimaced a little and shook his head, turning away. His back to Beyond, he plopped back down to the ground and began fishing around in the grass for his still damp socks. Beyond saw this and gasped breathily, leaning forward on the branch and hovering over Nate's small form in the dirt.

"You can't leave yet. I haven't solved this mystery, Mr. Suspect," he called down.

Nate looked up again, agitated as he stood. He raised an eyebrow at the man in the tree and said matter-of-factly, "You're going to fall."

"Oh, am I?"

"I'm leaving. You can have your tree," Nate said and just as he bent once again to gather his plane, he heard some cracking up in the tree and his eyes widened just as something fell on top of them, sending both he and Beyond toppling to the ground.

Nate was laying flat with Beyond on top of him and the branch to their left. When Nate opened his bleary gray eyes, the first thing he saw was Beyond's face just above his chest, his Cheshire grin and a bit of jam on his tooth.

"Wh-what…" Nate murmured and moved his hand that wasn't inhibited by Beyond's body to his head. When he pulled it away, there was no blood but he still felt dizzy.

"That was some fall I had," Beyond mused, looking out into the yard lazily. He didn't seem hurt at all and Nate suddenly realized he had fallen on purpose.

"Get off of me," he demanded, his voice frail.

Beyond blinked and looked back down at him, now leaning an elbow on the juncture of Nate's chest and arm. "You know, this seems pretty familiar. I used to fall out of these trees all the time when L and I played here. I'd fall on him too."

"And I'm sure it was never on accident," Near mumbled, laying his head back down. He was sure that Beyond wouldn't get off until he was good and ready and Nate wasn't strong enough to fight him off, though he would have liked to. The thought of punching him square in the face became more appealing with every word Beyond spilled. Nate watched him carefully, the rings around his eyes that were now obviously made of eyeliner and there was powder on his face to whiten his complexion.

"Why're you looking at me like that, Mr. Suspect?" Beyond asked, glancing down at Nate.

"You're wearing makeup. Why are you pretending to be my brother?" he asked, staring into the dull fake eyes. "Take it all off."

Beyond raised an eyebrow. "This is all very suspicious. Why do you want to see my face so badly?"

"I don't want to see _your _face," Nate countered, "I just don't want to see a pathetic doppelganger."

Beyond made an 'oh' sound softly and looked aside as if dismissing the request. Beside them, as Nate had not yet seen, was the airplane he had held and it was now smashed, one of the wings lost and the rest of the body with large cracks. Nate followed Beyond's gaze and looked at it solemnly and without comment.

He said softly, "Get off me, Beyond. Please."

"My name is B. Won't you be friendly with me? Just because you're my main suspect, doesn't mean we can't be friends. Now, what were you doing out here?"

"Get off me," his voice cracked.

"I'll just have to guess. You wanted to get out here to get away from our aunt, right? Or were you just wanting to feel whatever scent L left behind out here?"

The clouds were moving rapidly and the angles of sunlight coming through the trees changed, shifting like aurous bubbles on Nate's face. He looked up into the sunlight and squinted and Beyond held a hand over his face, blocking out the sun and lowered his head.

"That's what I came for too," he said, "to check if there's anything I missed. I had been in the basement all night trying to smell and feel whatever I could, I buried my face in his sheets but they only smelled like laundry detergent. Do you remember his scent, Mr. Suspect?"

Nate sighed heavily, head turned, "Get-"

"Yes, yes, I know, _get off me_," Beyond mimicked. With much show and groaning, Beyond raised himself off of Nate, leaning over him still on all fours and watched as the younger boy got up and took the pieces of the plane in his hands. He looked down at the shards and began to walk away, cradling the mess in his arms.

Beyond stood and leaned against the bark of the tree, watching as Nate crossed the yard to the back door. He called, waving, "I remember it too! It's why I came."

-

"How long is a short while?"

Erica blinked and turned around to face her small nephew as he stood in the threshold of the living room. She had been watching daytime television with the volume almost on mute when he announced his presence and at first, she wasn't sure what he meant. Then, she looked closer and noticed the dirt all over him and the broken plane in his arms.

"Nate, what happened?" she asked and began the laborious act of standing but Nate shook his head and she sat slowly again.

"Nothing," he said. "I'm just wondering."

"W-Well… I would think for only a few days. That's what he said on the phone… Nate, what's going on? Why're you so dirty?"

Nate lowered his eyes. "Beyond had a fall out of the tree."

"Oh my, is he all right?"

He nodded. "I broke his fall. We're both fine. Just a little dirty."

She took her arm off of the back of the couch and turned a little. "Okay, as long as no one's been hurt. Sorry about your plane… Is… is that the one-"

"Yes," he said and turned away.

-

The days in the house were always warm, especially in the summer and Erica, although she meant well, often forgot about the heat and kept the fire in the chimney going. Nate often stayed in his room and kept the window and his door open for a cross-breeze and that's how he spent the next day as the sun was right over the house at noon. He had spent most of the day before and all of the night trying to set the pieces of the airplane back together with the help of some super glue. He sat at the desk by his window trying desperately to hold the pieces together but they kept falling apart.

He kept falling apart.

At last, after hours of trying, the desk lamp shining down on his face and the pieces glue-covered and scattered over the desk, he put down the small paint brush and turned away. He tried to convince himself that the plane wasn't special. He hardly even remembered his parents who gave the plane to him so long ago. He guessed sooner or later it would have broken, either by time or someone careless.

He had turned the lamp off and left the plane there as he went to bed. The next day was spent on the floor of his room, with his little soldiers encircled by his legs spread in a V-shape. The open window blew cooler air towards him and he tried to keep his eyes off of the desk.

Beyond came with the wind, it seemed.

He stood in the doorway, leaning against the jamb lazily, his lifeless eyes running up and down Nate's form. "Mr. Suspect," he said lightly.

Nate ignored him, continued moving the fifth regiment towards the frontlines.

"Aunt Erica said your plane was broken and that I should play with you. How would you like that?"

"I don't want you anywhere near me," Nate said.

"Huh? Oh, come on." Beyond stepped into the room and sat down on the floor beside Nate, watching his army men with interest. "Who shall I be? Let me play Abraham Lincoln."

"I don't _have_ an Abraham Lincoln doll."

"You're such a bore, Mr. Suspect! Pretend," he said harshly and took one of the army men, setting him up at the head of the others. He wiggled the doll around. "Four score and eight years ago… wait, that's not right. How did it go? Oh well. Here," he said and handed Nate the fake Abraham Lincoln. He took another one and pushed the two together. "You take ol' Abe. We're going to play love-story, okay?"

Nate looked away in disgust. "I don't want anything to do with you, Beyond."

"_B_," he insisted.

"I don't want anything to do with you, _B_," Nate spat.

"Why not? We're family, aren't we? We both love your brother," he said, voice lowered to a whisper. "Right?"

Nate put down the doll and took a lock of hair in his fingers, twirling it lightly.

Beyond watched for a second before whispering again, "Why do you do that?"

"What?"

"Tug on your hair."

Nate stopped for a second and then continued, twirling it tightly around his finger and when he let it go, it was in a curly ringlet by his ear. He took hold of another lock and did the same to it. "It's comforting," he said quietly, matching Beyond's whispering.

"Oh, am I making you uncomfortable?" He scooted closer until their shoulders were touching. He put the doll back into Nate's hand gently. "Let's play love-story."

Nate looked over at him with big eyes, one hand still fidgeting in his hair. He sighed and said, "What does it mean, love-story?"

"You'll be Abraham Lincoln and I can be Angelina Jolie. Or, I can be Joy Nash and you can be Johnny Depp." Beyond rolled his eyes upward in thought.

Nate shook his head. "This is ridiculous."

"You've been wanting to play for a long time," Beyond said, gaze still on the plaster ceiling. "I remember seeing your face when I went out to play with L. You always looked out of the window at us and I knew you wanted to be with us but I wanted L all to myself and I think at that time, he wanted me too."

"If you… if you loved my brother, that's fine. But please, do not drag me into it," Nate said.

Beyond looked over at him and smiled. "If that's what you want, Abraham. But you're helpful. I'm always writing, always, even without a pen in my hand and I think I may base a character off of you in my book." He rose and walked for the door with the army man still in hand.

Nate watched him go to the doorway and said, "You have one of my toys."

Beyond craned his neck to grin at Nate. "It's a memento." He left.

-

That night in the dining room, since the day Beyond had arrived, the food was considerably less lavish since, after all, Beyond only ever ate strawberry jelly. It had finally gotten through to Erica and she made mostly only enough food for herself and Nate. For Beyond, she brought out one of his jars of jam and when she tried to pour it on his plate, he protested, claiming that the only way to eat jam was out of the jar.

She shook her head and headed back to her seat. "Okay, okay, have it your own way."

Beyond nodded and sat the jar on top of his otherwise empty plate.

"But do you have to slurp it so loudly?" Nate asked, thinking back on the past two nights.

Beyond smirked over at him. "There's only one way to eat it," he said and unscrewed the top.

Nate shook his head but was quiet on the subject. He sipped his water and looked over as Beyond began the eating process of his jam and beside his water glass was a small army man, his Angelina Jolie. Nate sighed, wondering if he would ever get it back.

Erica saw the little army man as well and smiled over at Nate. "Did you and Beyond do some playing today?" she asked.

Nate frowned. "I would not call it-"

"We _did_," Beyond crowed, raising his sticky hands into the air after finishing his jam. He looked at Erica with fevered excitement. "It was glorious. It reminded me of when L was here and we played love-story in the backyard. They were nice memories."

Nate looked away, trying to avoid the stares he knew Erica would give him after hearing something like that. She fell silent and Nate was grateful. They continued to eat with only the sound of the evening wind blowing through various open windows and, after a while had passed, Erica perked up and said out of the blue, "Oh my, I forgot to ask. Listen, I was in the bathroom today and there were some black hairs in my shower cap."

Nate looked over at Beyond.

Beyond laughed. "Right! Sorry, that was me. I can't wash my hair or else the coloring will come out."

"I see," Erica hummed and turned back to her plate.

"Do you want me to stop using it, Erica?" he asked in some version of concern.

She shook her head. "Oh no, Beyond. I have plenty, I just wanted to know if I was going crazy or not."

"_I_ want him to stop using it," Nate said, staring at Beyond.

Erica blinked. "Nate, why would you care-"

"I want him to stop dressing up. Why can't you just cut it out?" he asked, griping his fork tightly.

Beyond blinked at him. "I can understand if Abraham wants me to take off my mask. But I would feel naked. After so long… and I don't want to mess up the rhythm in my book. I'm so close to the end. Do you want me to feel naked, Abe?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Nate demanded and he caught the look that Erica was sending the two of them. After another moment of silence, Nate lowered his head and murmured, "Forget it."

-

Sometime in the middle of the night, the thumping from the basement quieted and Nate found his window to go to sleep. He lay in bed with the window open and his bedroom door cracked because Nate couldn't stand the dark. The small light that came up from the oven light in the kitchen was just enough for him and it was the only way he could get to sleep. Erica knowingly left it on for him every night.

His breathing slowed and became deeper as he drifted from the realm of fantasies to dreams and suddenly a hand was clamped over his mouth and his body tensed.

"Do you want to see my real face?"

In the small sliver of light, Nate saw half of a pale face and a red eye staring at him from under a mess of black hair. Nate's body felt limp and taut all at once and his eyes enlarged as that eye examined him. He barely heard the words spoken to him or felt the long spidery fingers wrapped around his mouth. He swallowed heavily and pulled his hands up out of the blue comforter and placed them gingerly over Beyond's.

Beyond let Near's mouth go and shifted in the small beam of light. Nate breathed shakily, "B? What're you doing here?" He sat up and Beyond turned away, laying on the floor and as Nate looked over the side of the bed, he saw nothing but a hand sticking out from beneath the bed.

"B," he repeated.

"Close the door," Beyond said to him in the voice of a child.

Nate felt some sort of fear of getting off the bed. He thought that Beyond would play a trick and grab his ankle, pulling him under the bed as well. After a moment's hesitation, Nate slid off of the bed and walked the few paces to his door, shutting it completely and turning on the light. Beyond's hand sticking out and tapping fingers nervously on the carpet. Nate got down on his knees and crawled over leaning to see into the darkness.

"I thought you said you didn't want to show me," Nate said.

"I changed my mind."

"What made you?"

A pause. Then, "You said you didn't want to see your brother's face even though we both know you might _kill _someone just to see your brother's face _for real_-"

"I wouldn't-"

"You would, Abe. You would. Because I would too." There was some shifting under the bed.

Nate sighed and tried to shake those things away. He leaned down and moved a hand into the darkness, feeling the flesh of Beyond's cheek and cupped it kindly. "Come on," he said and brought Beyond's face into a bit of the light. The makeup he had worn was wiped off half of his face and Nate thought he saw the sprinkle of some light freckles at the side of his nose. Just under the hair, like the highlight piece of a fine gallery, hung the luminous blood diamond that Nate had heard so much of: the crown jewel of the River family.

Beyond looked him in the eye for only a split second before turning away in embarrassment but in that second, Nate felt enraptured as if the very King of Hell had spotted him from the depths of the earth. With his free hand, Nate brought it up to his hair and tugged and twirled to calm himself, to feel a little better, because something was hot down his throat and chest and into his thighs and he almost couldn't stand it. He licked his lips quickly and tore his hand away from Beyond's cheek, turned around to the rest of the room with his back to the bed.

"Why do you hate your eyes?" he asked.

"I hate any that aren't L's."

Nate closed his eyes. "He's not coming back. He's off and doing the things he's always wanted to do, so if you really cared for him you would be happy for him."

"I can't let go of his memory," Beyond said as he came out of his hiding place. Nate didn't look back at him as he sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. "I can't stop feeling sorry for myself, you know. I think it's some kind of sickness. Self-pity."

"How is it a sickness?"

"Because I can't stop." He rose from the bed and walked for the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he looked back at Nate and flashed the one ruby and the other covered up with soot. "And, also, I can't stop wishing for him to come back here. Because if I go to him, I know I'll just be disappointed."

The door closed behind him.

-

Beyond gave Nate nightmares.

All the time, he was daydreaming and fantasizing about those eyes; that someday he would wake up with a hand clamped down on him and both eyes piercing through him. In the dark of the basement where no kitchen light shone. When they were alone together and Beyond had his masks thrown to the floor and he felt naked and Nate felt naked and they were surrounded by the ghosted scent of Nate's brother.

Nate hadn't been in the basement since his brother packed up a few clothes and left in that black car. But over the next three days following Beyond's midnight visit to his room, he thought of what it now looked like down there. Erica had cleaned for Beyond's arrival and Beyond had surely made himself at home down there. He wondered if there really was a scent of his brother, some forgotten corner that Beyond had overlooked and sometimes he thought about going down to explore himself.

But Beyond had grown to hang around Nate relentlessly even when Nate nearly begged the man to let him have some time to himself. Beyond had adopted Nate as a surrogate for his brother, of that Nate was well aware and he lived with that fact without qualm because, really, what was his other option? Lock himself in his room and not allow anyone entry?

Beyond would climb through the window if he had to.

And Nate knew he would because… yes, if he had to climb through a window to get his fix, his dose of a living, breathing replica of L, he _would _do it. He would do anything.

It wasn't always so bad anyway, he thought. He learned things about his brother he never would have known before if Beyond didn't hang around. Beyond would come up to his room in the middle of the day or just before dinner after hours of writing his book and he would bring the army man he stole from Nate too, his Angelina Jolie.

"Let's play horror-story," he said once. "This was one of L's favorites. In this scene, one of us would be the kid walking into the abandoned house. The rumors around town are that it's got some old homeless man in it who steals from people and smokes cigarettes. And whoever was the brave kid would walk in and call out, 'Mr. Hobo! I've got a cigarette for you!' and then he'd walk around the house and these creepy things would happen like the floor would cave in or the stairs would creak. Sometimes we'd even see a ghost. Then, whoever was the hobo would appear in the middle of the hallway with a broken leg. And the brave kid would go over to help but the hobo had a cleaver and would chop the kid up and eat him."

"Let's play drama-story. This scene would always be difficult because one of us would have to be the girl that was raped and L never wanted it to be his turn. So he would usually be the jock boyfriend who got drunk and I would be the pretty cheerleader girlfriend. And we'd be at prom. At the time, there was this song on the radio I think it went something like… do doo do… you and I… collide… I don't remember. But L would hum it in my ear, the parts he knew, and I'd hum the parts I knew… Anyway. After the dance, we'd go to his car and make out and he was drunk and he raped me. It was _amazing_."

"Love-story? That was _my_ favorite because neither of us had to be girls. We could just be boys and we'd be in an all-boys school or some cliché backdrop like that. And we would switch who got to be the aggressive one in the locker room, the person who made the first move, and I loved grabbing L's ass. Then we would get in trouble with the teachers and they would tell our parents and we had to run away together. I would usually go to L's window and steal him and make him come with me because I _could not fucking live without him_. Sometimes L even cried because running away isn't easy. L would have made a great actor. If I ever have my book made into a movie, I want L to play himself. When L cries, it's like seeing Niagara Falls or losing your virginity or something. I wasn't that great of an actor."

Nate never agreed to play out any scenes. He would play quietly with his soldiers or trains and Beyond would take his Angelina and pick an Abraham and play out love-story again and again and again and Nate knew the script so well that _he _could have been an actor.

Maybe.

On the twenty-seventh of June, Nate found a letter addressed to him on the dining room table while Beyond was down in the basement. Erica sat on the couch as usual and looked back at him with a hopeful smile. "I didn't open it," she said. "And you don't have to tell me what's in it if you want some privacy."

Nate nodded, taking the letter in his hands. He ran his thumb under the seal and as he touched the paper inside, he stopped and turned for the kitchen, leaving Erica. He crossed the tiled floor to the second staircase. There were some faint sounds and over the wooden banister, he could see some light. He cleared his throat and with his free hand touched a curl of hair.

"B," he called.

"Yes, Abe?"

"May I come down?"

There was a long pause and at first Nate wasn't sure if this was such a good idea. Then, the small drone Nate had heard subsided and rising up in its place was Beyond's voice: "Of course! Come down, come down; I rarely get such pretty visitors. Did Erica hear that? Oh well. Come down!"

Nate shook his head and descended, holding onto the banister with the hand taken from his hair. The stairs creaked beneath his light frame like in the horror-story scene and when the room was in view, he found Beyond sitting at a small desk, a pen in hand and pages upon pages of loose-leaf paper scattered on the desk. He seemed in high spirits, his grin spread wide across his face and his makeup freshly applied. The remote for the television in the other corner of the room was sitting by his elbow.

"You didn't have to turn that off for me," Nate said, setting foot onto the cold cement of the floor.

Beyond waved away the comment. "I just like background noise when I write. What's that you've got?"

Nate looked down at the letter in his hand and, under Beyond's stare, suddenly felt ridiculous for having come down to show him. Still, he was already down there so he supposed he might…

"It's a letter from Harvard. I wanted…" he paused and then held out the envelope. "You open it."

"Me?" Beyond questioned.

"Yes. I have mixed feelings and don't feel like it."

Beyond raised an eyebrow at him but took the letter anyway and took the paper out of it unceremoniously. As he read it silently, Nate took the liberty of looking around, and the only thing of any interest to him was the bed by the staircase. It was unmade and possibly dirty having not been washed since before Beyond's arrival but it seemed comfortable and he imagined his brother sleeping in the maroon comforter.

"Dear Mr. Nate River. Congratulations," Beyond said and looked up at Nate. He held out the letter to him. "Congratulations, Abe."

"I suppose," he hummed.

"Will you go?"

"I can't stay here and burden Erica forever. I have to go," he said.

Beyond rolled his eyes. "You don't have to do anything. That annoys me. Don't say that. Nobody has to do anything. You could walk to the nearest stream and drown yourself. You could hop on a plane for Japan to join your brother. Possibilities are endless."

There was a silence and Nate's gaze ran over the papers on the small wooden desk, the pen at the side.

"I should pack then."

Beyond nodded, having followed Nate's gaze. "You know," he said, "if you're interested, I could give you a small peek. That's what you wanted, right?"

Nate began to shake his head out of embarrassment but stopped and shrugged, unable to make out any words from the few feet away. Beyond brightened and stood from the stool at the desk and took Nate by the shoulders, showing him over to the desk. He sat the boy down and turned away himself, hands clasped behind his back.

"I won't peek."

Nate sighed and bent over the writing, moving a page closer to himself with a delicate finger. It was a elegant print that Nate was not expecting, almost forced in how uniform it was but the story itself just didn't seem to make sense. He looked at the other scattered pages and couldn't seem to pick up on a plot anywhere and between random words would be phrases like:

_I love you._

_Come back._

_I hate you._

_Forgot me._

And all the L's were capitalized.

Nate swallowed back his initial reaction and Beyond was peeking over his shoulder at him, grinning, and said to him, "Well? Isn't it marvelous?"

"Yes," Nate said, amazed even at himself how easily the lie came out. He got up from the desk and walked for the staircase again, tired of the smell of mothballs and strawberry jam. "Publishers will be begging for it," he said and returned the smile Beyond gave him as he ascended.

-

Nate tried to postpone his leaving, to wait until Beyond left first but three days passed after receiving his letter and Beyond showed no signs of leaving.

Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and opened his bag to throw in clothes and his acceptance letter and a train and a few army men. Over on the desk were the broken pieces of his airplane and the open glue bottle that had dried it to the wood. Nate thought briefly of chipping pieces off and taking them with him. Placing them under his new bed in the dorms but how childish would that be really? Let the pieces stay in this room.

It was foolishness to carry them around forever.

The late afternoon air was coming in through the window and Nate was sitting on the floor, his legs spread out and encircling his small army, the soldiers that wouldn't be coming along. In some silence Nate looked down on them, the dreaded wait for the taxi to take him to the train station was over the house. Erica had already cried over him.

"I finished," Beyond said, lingering in the doorway.

Nate looked up, startled, and found him there with his hair in a fresh dirty-blond pile on his head, wet and dripping onto his white shirt. His contacts were gone and for the first time, Nate was getting the force of both eyes, and stared up at him feeling insignificant and small under his gaze.

"Did you," Nate whispered and lowered his eyes to his army.

Beyond smirked and came into the room, uninvited as always and sat behind Nate, his legs spread to encircle the smaller boy. Nate shrunk away from him, his right hand deep into his hair, curling and tangling it.

"What made you take the dye from your hair? And your contacts? You said you… didn't like your eyes," Nate fumbled and he watched as Beyond pulled from behind his back the small army man he had taken from Nate's collection. He waved the doll.

"I'm going after L. And if I don't go in a way that he knows me, he may be confused, don't you think?"

Nate held up another of the soldiers to Beyond's and they held hands awkwardly. "I wish I had your bravery," he said.

"Abraham is brave," Beyond said and gingerly took Nate's hand from his hair, replacing it with his own and Nate gasped audibly as Beyond raked his fingernails harshly down the pale scalp. "But my legs are shaking."

"Ah, _ahh_," Nate cried out thinly, arching his back. There were spots of light behind his eyes, bright lights that were, for some reason, red.

"I'm really scared," he whispered into the boy's ear.

All Nate could think was, _Angelina…_and couldn't pronounce even the syllable _B_.

"I hope this makes up for all the discomfort I've given you," Beyond said and tugged on random locks of hair and Nate moaned into the touch. Beyond dropped the Angelina army man into Nate's lap and finally released his hold on Nate's hair, leaving him panting with eyes wide open. "Now you take this, Abe."

He rose from his spot behind Nate and walked quietly over to the door. He smiled over at the limp figure he'd left on the carpet and said, "If I find him, I'll ask him to play missing-story with me. If he's still a good actor, he can play you."

And he was gone.

Nate lay on the ground for a while, even after he heard Erica calling him down because the cab had just arrived. She called and asked what he was doing and continued to harass him about coming to give her a hug. Nate righted himself and came downstairs, bag in tow. As they stood at the mouth of the long driveway he hugged her tightly and she sighed, "You be careful, Nate. I know you'll do well. I wish Beyond was here to say goodbye too… do you know where he is?"

Nate shook his head and got into the cab.

But he knew.

Beyond had gone through the trees and over the fields and, yes, over the sea.

End.

* * *

A/N: _After these pages, I feel a little better. Thank you for reading._


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